A precious iPhone
HOLY SHIT!!!
As all humans in the world probably knew after twenty seconds it occured, Apple has unveiled its new iPhone which was met by usual comments such as
- The most technologically advanced phone just got more technologically advanced, HOLY SHIT!!!
- Once more Apple has redefined everything about mobile phones, HOLY SHIT!!!
- I can’t believe all those things they have fit into just one device, HOLY SHIT!!!
- Oh my God, HOLY SHIT!!!
And whatever objections to any of those statements you could have had, they always rebutted you simply and elegantly:
- BUT IT IS A MULTI-TOUCH SCREEN DEVICE, HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!!!
Let’s have a look at what industry-redefining new features the industry-redefining firm Apple has in store for us this time, with “iPhone 3G-S”, whose industry-redefiningness doesn’t have to be mentioned:
- New Unbelievable Camera of 3.0 Megapixels! That’s about 2.99 megapixels more than you can count.
- New Unbelievable Camera that can record video!!! Now you’ll be able to be in one of those things you can see in TV – yes, with the new iPhone, now you can actually be in a video!!!
- New Unbelievable Compass! Because if there was ever something that cellphones were missing, it was a device that could show you the direction of the North Pole.
- New Unbelievable Feature: Copy & Paste! Steve Jobs has done it again, fellows. Now, you can actually copy one text phrase from some place to another without having to type it. He named it “Copy&Paste”. Smart!
- New Unbelievable Feature: iPhone now supports MMS!
Those new features were announced by a video by Apple that stars Nelson, a worker in one of the Apple stores. A worker in an ad? Fuck, I feel empowered. Anyway, meet Nelson:
Nelson opens his mouth to spew more bullshit that Apple fans are more than willing to swallow. Or is he cumming?
Nelson introduces us to the new features of the iPhone one by one in the video. Now, before I discuss the new features of the iPhone 3G-S, let me introduce you a cellphone made by Nokia in late 2003:
Meet Nokia 6600.
Nokia 6600, made 5.5 years ago, amazingly had three of the “groundbreaking” features iPhone has only got now, in July/August of year 2009. Namely, it could:
- Send & receive all forms of MMS.
- Record video.
- Had copy&paste.
Now, please welcome another phone: The Samsung D900, made in 2005:
Samsung D900, a phone from 2005
Yeah, you guessed it. Samsung D900 had a camera of 3.2 megapixels, back in 2005.
So, holy shit Nelson, but your iPhone 3G-S doesn’t seem very revolutionary from the part of the world in which people actually have neurons. Oh, wait… I’ve forgotten about the compass! Holy fuck it’s indeed revolutionary!!
I can’t believe you dumb fucks are again going to splurge hundreds of dollars on a phone that touts technologies from five years ago as “industry-redefining”. Fuck you.